10. Where We Found Counseling and Speech Therapy without going Broke or Crazy

Resources for Kinship Caregivers

For those of you who have been curious, Ned is my primary editor. This works well for us because he keeps me accurate, on the proper timeline (which he has corrected on two occasions at least) and voices concerns before you see information. I think he is wise in keeping the children’ s names private and also their images. He’s a little concerned that if I print the court arguments as planned, that people could come back and sue us for practicing law, or recommending something that doesn’t apply to themselves, so I’m stalling while getting more info. (I’ve reached out to Heidi recently.) It’s rough for him sometimes as the content brings us both back to many memories, but we write together hoping to help others like us, and it has been therapeutic. See you in two weeks!

My neighbor, Connie, said, “You are a good person.” She meant that taking in our grandchildren was admirable. I always quickly disagree when I am told this, and have been told many times. It’s not that I’m bad, but we did not consider anything before saying, ”Yes, we will raise them.” Being good would include intention, that having weighed the options, we consciously choose this path foregoing others. Our “yes” was love based, not anticipated, and incredibly spontaneous. We simply saw no other option but to keep our heads down and move forward. There had been no choice to us, no good or bad, just what was necessary. What I discovered along the way was that people genuinely want to help others, especially if they see merit in the gesture. I learned how to be a better person-but this took time. I needed skills to cope in our new world and becoming more patient, more selfless, was survival for the family. In finding the kids the resources needed, we were taught new parenting skills by professionals. Experts who understood the effects of trauma in ways we couldn’t have comprehended immediately. Early on we called Crossroads, a county counseling service, to try and get Andy help for his epic outbursts and destructive behavior. He was between the ages of 2 1/2 and 3, and also between the ages services start and stop. Help Me Grow is a program where professionals come into your home, weigh and measure your infant or toddler, give recommendations, and connect you to services needed until age three. At that point, help is school based. Crossroads assured us that they could help us but we needed to wait the few months till he turned three. Help Me Grow told us not to bother with them (nicely), that as soon as he’d get in, he’d be out because of age.

Andy’s vocabulary had slightly grown, but I had to translate so he could be understood by others. He was also angry, with incredible eruptions that astonished people. He was not easily calmed, and frequently broke things in his anger. He was happy one on one, but when Addie arrived, and took some of the spotlight away from him, he was jealous. Many concerned people suggested we enroll him in preschool. In the public school system, he would be given speech therapy. Several even told us of their own children’s success with the program in our district.

After registering Andy online, a tedious process with the need for multiple scanned documents, I felt sorry for other grandparents who lacked computer skills. Ned did not grow up with this technology. I was fortunate to have had exposure. I noticed that the school always tried to accommodate the technologically challenged (like Ned who asked for paper copies to always be sent home) but fell short in practice. They mailed a package of papers to “test” Andy. Ned and I filled out the questionnaires and he dropped them off at the board office by the high school. After the papers had been reviewed, there was a meeting, with Andy, and more in person testing. We were extremely lucky to live close to one of the (pre-Covid) integrated preschool to grade 4 facilities.

Takeaway: “Integrated” meant that children with special needs learn alongside their mainstream peers. Our school had teachers in higher number with Master’s degrees as Childhood Intervention Specialists. Start with the school to find services. They will test your child as needed.

Primarily because of Andy’s lack of language skills, (but included behavior and toileting because he was slightly behind there as well) he was put on an IEP, an Individualized Education Plan, and was classified as “Special Needs”. The IEP listed interventions to help Andy make his way into the mainstream with some additional support, like speech therapy, and counseling through Crossroads during school.

At home, I contacted Crossroads again, who accepted Medicaid and worked with the ADAMHS board (who also provides grant funding based on need) and got Andy seen outside school. (Alcohol, Drugs, and Mental Health Services are in many states beyond Ohio.) Justine came to our house twice a week and was invaluable teaching us as parents about trauma and effective measures like P.A.C.E. (see takeaway below) to guide us in parenting. Justine was a pretty, thirty year old red head with a soft calm voice. Andy quickly adored her. It was clear to me, despite her professional demeanor, that she had a soft spot for Andy, and he looked forward to her visits. She began counseling with him using play techniques, and her therapy continued well into Covid. Eventually, she was promoted, and Kat came in her place. As time went on, the school Crossroads counselor recommended us for intensive family counseling that lasted six months. Kat came three times a week, twice for Andy, and once for us to learn about trauma and new ways to deal with his behavior.

CROSSROADS: https://crossroadshealth.org

ADAMHS BOARD: https://www.helpthatworks.us

P.A.C.E. INFO (parenting technique): https://girfec.fife.scot

School speech therapy consisted of stories read to him in a small group, and then he had to answer questions based on comprehension. This happened once a week for twenty minutes. Sounds were not a concern to the school therapist-he was only three, and it was normal that he couldn’t make them all. We disagreed, politely. Having raised other children, I’d never translated or had issue with talking to them. I wasn’t entirely sure Andy understood everything I said to him. I started to investigate other options of improving his language skills using his Medicaid insurance. (He had CareSource). As I began calling around, I was met with waiting lists with over a hundred names in front of us. Later, I would learn that the number told to us was greatly under reported. The list of names at the closest place was actually over a thousand children needing service before us (from a most reputable source). There is a shortage of speech therapists.

In December of 2018, the couple across the street from us came over for dinner bearing gifts for the children. It was our first Christmas celebration together and I’d known Crystal for decades having worked alongside her in the operating room. Her husband, Richard, had bought an Alexa Echo and a small speaker hoping Andy would talk to it and improve his speech. Rich had exceptional computer skills and set up the device in minutes. Alexa had other ideas, “What language is that?” , she would ask whenever Andy tried to talk to her. I put Alexa away for awhile as the phrase began to grate on my nerves.

Eventually I made an appointment with the speech therapist at preschool that I didn’t like. By this time, Andy was already in his second year, and she was about to retire. Mrs. Snelson was kind, but saw no reason to work on Andy’s pronunciation. She did however give us a name of someone just starting out her new business, Speech On the Spot. She said something about a bus, but I didn’t really catch the detail. I called and got through right away. Jessica LaDowe (her real name) was warm and set up an appointment in one month, when she’d be able to process the insurance. We were in!

Talk about convenience! The Speech On the Spot bus pulled into our driveway as scheduled. I met Jessica, a trim young mom of five (Five?!) with dark curls framing big eyes. She invited Andy and I into what seemed like a small closet with a table and padded benches that lined each side of the vehicle. From our confined space, there was a door that led to the back of the bus. Andy was promised that if he did his work, he would be allowed to open the door and play with whatever he liked on the other side. Andy was not focused, and I couldn’t help but be a little in awe of Jessica’s acceptance of Andy’s behavior and her ability to distract him back to task. It had to be her experience raising a brood of dark curly haired children. Over the year plus that the van pulled into our driveway, Jessica got pregnant (really?!) and Covid struck. Speech therapy continued without masks (of course!) but it freaked us out in the beginning. I was extremely happy with the progress Andy made rapidly as Jessica explained that the school therapist, about to retire, was basing teaching on older theories and pronunciation is currently an accepted task in the course at his age.

Over the months that followed, Andy worked on his lessons with Jessica, was given homework words for the week, and then was released to the heaven behind the truck door to play the last ten minutes of the hour. (Okay, to be truthful, there were a couple instances when he wasn’t permitted in the back due to behavior, but Jessica seemed to handle him better than anybody else at the time.) The door swung open to reveal a rock climbing wall, a slide that emptied into a ball pit, and another wall of shelves with games and puzzles-pretty awesome incentive for the little guy! It was like heaven to growing four year old Andy.

Within another year, Andy spoke distinctly and I no longer had to translate. Jessica labeled him “graduated”, and he has only gotten better with his speech since. If you didn’t know him, there would be no clues there was ever a problem. The counseling however, is on going, and progress is slow, but happening. He has come a long way.

Today, almost eight, Andy takes medication for ADHD which has been an ongoing process to get the right amount and mix. He is able to focus better in school and regulate his emotions to a point. When upset, he is quicker to calm and not as dramatic, but then we all have our moments-his are just more obvious. In school, he is at grade level in his subjects. Just recently, he has been mainstreamed out of “Special Ed” and he only goes for “breaks” occasionally but not every day by his own choosing. We have been told he will catch up developmentally eventually and his progress to date is amazing.

Andy sees a Clinical psychiatrist to regulate his meds. Dr. Barry Simon, from the Cleveland Clinic, (who accepts Medicaid) told me,

“A child’s outcome is based 50% on environment, 45% on the influence of their peers, and 5% on parenting.”

I like to think that means that I can’t screw him up too bad.

See you in two weeks with where to find money!